fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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