I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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