best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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