I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
