you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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