im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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