Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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