Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
