Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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