sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
