We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
