he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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