My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize