can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
