Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
