I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
