The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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