I bet he comes in French.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
