I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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