im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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