Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
