Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
