Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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