areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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