I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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