Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
