Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
