Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
