My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
