Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize