This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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