Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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