Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
