i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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