Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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