Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just had sex on a roof
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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