did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
