i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Did you just see the Batmobile???
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
