I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
