U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
