Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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