apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
