There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
