Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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