My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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