Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
