Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
