fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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