can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
