Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
