Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
