dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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