my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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