3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
