that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
