he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
