id be glad to
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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