Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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