my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This baby is an asshole
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize