sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
