you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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