first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
