You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
false alarm, still single
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
