saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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