his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
