Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
