Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
