he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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