I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
