Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
