Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
