I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
