mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am full of burrito and curiosity
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
