I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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