You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize