i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
