Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
