I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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