Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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