He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
